eyes of love

I'll start my second blog with an introduction. My name is Sarah and this is my second summer doing Catholic Urban Project. I graduated college with no clear direction other than a desire to do service. Through a friend I found CUP and stayed on as an intern last year after the first summer was over. Many people have asked me why I am doing this instead of getting a real job (usually more politely than that :) ).

The only answer to this question is; God wants me to. If this was only about the social work aspect, I would have lost momentum a while ago. Faith makes service come alive and vise-versa.

We are in the process of reading Deus Caritas Est, by Pope Bendict XVI. He has a quote which sums up the growth in my life through this service: "A Eucharist which does not pass over into the concrete practice of love is intrinsically fragmented." My faith comes alive in service as I learn to trust in God. I need to trust in Him. He is teaching me about who I am, and about His love for me. I need this to truly love in return.

For example:

Last week on Outreach we spoke with many different people gathering prayer requests and praying with those who were open. I've noticed a tendency in myself to categorize and to have expectations of people we meet. What I mean is that when I see a group of men, I expect them to be closed to prayer. Nice old church ladies and mothers worried about their kids are usually open. I expect young adults my age to be closed. There are exceptions, but I expect them to be solid Christians, not your average nominal believers.

The other day as we approached a group of rough looking men working on a car, I figured it would be typical. They would politely decline our request to pray while avoiding eye contact, and awkwardly smiling. Breathing a sigh of relief when we moved on. It started off as many such encounters, Anthony addressed one of them who was (cigarette in mouth and another tucked behind his ear, tattoos and a wife beater) working on the rear of the car. I saw his eyes gain that closed distance as he listened. Then, I suddenly felt conviction in my heart. I was judging him, evaluating him, instead of asking for grace to love him. I prayed quickly and silently that he would be open. He looked toward me and our eyes met. I looked at him and he looked at me. I felt this love that was not mine go out to him. He changed his expression and answered Anthony, thinking as he spoke of what he needed prayer for. After we finished our talk with him we went on down the street. Later as we were leaving (it had started raining) he and some of the other men he was with called after us. "This is a really good thing ya'll are doing here."

Benedict XVI describes this interaction between love of God and love of neighbor:

"It consists in the very fact that, in God and with God, I love even the person whom I do not like or even know. This can only take place on the basis of an intimate encounter with God, an encounter which has become a communion of will, even affecting my feelings. Then I learn to look on this other person not simply with my eyes and my feelings, but from the perspective of Jesus Christ. His friend is my friend. Going beyond exterior appearances, I perceive in others an interior desire for a sign of love, of concern. This I can offer them not only through the organizations intended for such purposes, accepting it perhaps as a political necessity. Seeing with the eyes of Christ, I can give to others much more than their outward necessities; I can give them the look of love which they crave."

This is why we as Catholics must serve. Our faith is not just about intellectual assent, it must be lived to be alive. God so greatly desires to love in us.