Messy

I work with both kid's programs run by St. John's. One is the Slice of Summer day camp. The other is Schola Arium a School of Arts that focuses on stringed instruments and art. I help with the art portion of Schola. This means that three days a week I spend a lot of time with kids and with paint and other messy art supplies. Having 60+ kids go through the building daily adds a lot of wear and tear on the areas we use. The two basement bathrooms get a lot of this wear. Every day I usually have to go in there and clean up something, glue, paint, food and on occasion throw-up, from the sink, walls and trash can. (props to Tracy, whose job is the up keep of the building.)

On fix-up days, we usually come back with paint in our hair, under our finger nails and on our clothes. In fact, I'm pretty sure that Outreach might be the only service we do that doesn't need a shower at the end of it.

It's all great though. Being tired and messy at the end of the day lets you know that you really did do something. That you were able to dig in and give.

Last summer we heard a great story from one of the missionaries named Will. He had heard this story in a homily. The priest telling the story would often go to help his mother take care of his aging father. His father had health problems and one day his son, the priest arrived at the house to find a mess. There was vomit covering the floor, the couch and parts of the walls. His father's face and clothes were covered as well. The son was stopped in the doorway by the over-powering stench. As he surveyed the disaster, he saw his mother on the floor cleaning up. She looked up at her son and said," sometimes love looks like this." The priest then pointed to the crucifix and said, "sometimes love looks like this."

This is what we do in service, the undesired tasks that make up our love. We do it messily, imperfectly and with as much of our hearts as we can. This summer is reminding me that God is not calling me to glamour and fuzzy feelings, but to real tasks and real people.

-Sarah

A Child’s Innocence

My role in our Slice of Summer Kids’ Camp this summer is the floater. This means that I pretty much help where I am needed. On this past Thursday, this happened to be with the third and fourth grade group. The reason is because its a large group and there are several campers who have a little difficulty containing their excitement in a classroom setting. Knowing this, I was prepared to spend most of morning trying to help keep some order in the group and hopefully reduce the chaos.

The first activity after a little small group freeze dance time was art. The project for the day was to think about a bible verse and then draw what you thought represented that verse. The verse was 1 John 4:16: “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God lives in him.”

Seeing a blank paper sitting in front of one of the energetic boys, P, I went to his table. Making assumptions about P from the previous time I had spent with him, I had simple goals for the next 20 minutes: keep him in or near his chair and avoid letting him distract others. Hopefully by the end of the activity he would have some sort of drawing on his paper.

I read the verse to the table again and asked P what came to mind when he heard it. In a moment P changed from a loud, spirited kid to a curious, innocent little boy. He spent the remainder of art asking countless questions about God, forgiveness, and creation. How old is God? What does He look like? Does God love everyone? How could He make man from nothing? Does He seriously forgive us no matter what?

This little boy, who minutes before had been breaking out the hip hop dance moves,

began asking these questions about God’s love and listening intently to each and every answer. As I answered them the best I could, my opinion about what I should have had on my list of goals for those 20 minutes changed drastically. I had forgotten the one thing so many people have told us we are here this summer to do: love. Somehow as I worried about bathroom breaks, paint stains, and opening ranch packets that goal had gotten pushed to the back. It’s the little gifts God gives us that remind why He brought us here this summer. This one came in the form of a little third grader’s innocent curiosity. Somehow that is just what I needed that day to remind me to live in love.

~Danielle

'become like children' By Anthony

This last Tuesday we continued diving into our lessons on Deus Caritas Est and love. We all hear homilies on love and know that they will know we are Christians by our love (John 13), but what this means in modern America is not so clear.

We are often referred to as a Christian nation, yet we are the most militarized country in the world. So much for “Blessed is the peacemaker” (Matthew 5).

USA Today reports that a higher percent of Americans are in poverty now than fifty years ago, with the number continually rising. I guess we forgot about the second half of Matthew 25.

These questions and ideas continually trouble me, but on Tuesday I was induced by a startling peace.

It seems this summer, engrossed in community and removed my ordinary life, that love is all around – even in modern America. One shining example of it is the City of Mary, a Franciscan Friary near Flint. The three religious brothers who work, pray, and serve there and the five biological siblings who reside there assisting them in their work all display selfless love every day. While they are all physically serving others (a key pillar in Franciscan hospitality) amount a litany of programs and objectives. Following their vows of poverty the Franciscans live simply, including growing most of their own food supply. Another love that is often ignored or forgotten is given a corner stone at the City of Mary – vocation.

Typically the idea of vocation sparks images of seminarians, but as one Friar put it, “we are all called to be saints; your vocation is the path God has willed for you to reach your calling.” Love is very much sacrifice, so what better way to live out love than to fully empty yourself and embrace the vocation God has prepared for you?

During fix ups we work with a contractor named Tom. Tom always starts off each day with us with a wonderful story that intersects more with our lives than I feel he is aware. This week he told the story of a farmer he saw at a farmers market. The man had a wide variety of produce he was selling. As Tom watched two children ran excitedly to the man and he picked them both up, showing hem the produce. Not only were the children excited because they were seeing their father but also because they had helped pick the goods he was selling. He smiled with immense happiness as he shared the fruit of his work with his children. Tom saw this as being similar to our interaction with God via prayer. Like how the farmer did not need his children to help pick the vegetables, God does not need our help to complete his tasks, but he reacts with joy if we join his work through our prayer. I feel that the same is true of our vocations. If we forget ourselves and walk fully the path God has laid before us then not only will God, our father, react with happiness, but we will have the same joy as the farmer’s children had in the work they shared with their father.

“unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven”

-Matthew 18:3

Community Life

This is one boisterous, community. We work hard, pray hard, play hard, and now, we've gotten quite good at pushing everyone's buttons (Wednesday is Make Fun of Heide Day). In three weeks, we have become family. It's more than just having meals together, praying the Liturgy of the Hours together (and shouting up the stairs for that one person who is late to Night Prayer), or even simply living under one roof. It's being able to lean on anyone whenever one needs it and vice versa. It's being able to argue about which movie to watch for an hour and a half and laugh the whole time. But most importantly, it is that we all have the same focus in life.

God.

And that is what makes this crazy group of people together a family. Because God decided to put us together. God decided that putting us together was part of His plan. And that brings us joy. Even on those days when everything everyone does gets under our skin, or when we don't feel particularly well one day, or when we would rather be somewhere else doing something else. Even on all those days, we remain joyful because God is working through us and in us. We are invited to be a part of his plan. He doesn't need us, He wants us to participate. What could be better?

Why am I telling you about our community? Because as much as God is working in the community, God is working in us. It is in the little things that we come to realize that on our own, this is not possible. It is only possible because God has His hand in this. Are we doing His will in our opportunity here? Sure, we're doing the outward things that are required for Catholic Urban Project, but are we truly giving everything to the Lord? Are we trusting that He knows what He is doing and will be with us in all we do? In community life, all of your weaknesses are brought to the front and everyone knows them. Which is why this is such a great opportunity for us to grow.

Praise be Jesus Christ, now and forever.

-Anthony Smela

Only by the grace of God

It’s simply amazing how God can work. He truly will answer your prayers. The story I am about to tell is just a glimpse into one of the many experiences I’ve already had that testify to that belief. On the second day of outreach, after going door-to-door and asking people if we could pray for them, my spirits were somewhat down, even though our outreach had been considerably better than the first day. I was feeling defeated because of the rejection we received by some unopened doors as well as others simply saying they didn’t have time to talk to us, and was wondering what I was doing wrong. Was I not saying the right things? Was I not allowing the Holy Spirit to speak through me because of my nervousness? So I decided to take the time to pray about it, and lay my struggles down at the feet of Jesus.

After I prayed for God to give me the grace to die to myself, so that I may be a greater witness of His love, He almost immediately presented me with an opportunity as I walked home from the church to find two homeless men sitting at the bottom of our steps. At first I must admit, this did not occur to me to be such an opportunity. I walked right past them and was a little uneasy being by myself because the situation could have potentially been dangerous. As soon as I was inside, I made sure to lock the door behind me. I sat down to have a bowl of cereal, and as I thought more about the homeless men that I had just blatantly ignored, the more obvious it became that this was an opportunity given to me by God for me to put myself out of my comfort zone and talk to them.

So I did. After approaching them, they seemed rather harmless, quite friendly, and pleasantly surprised that I was willing to sit down and talk to them. I’m sure that these men are used to people not giving them the time of day, passing them off as the lepers of society. However, after engaging in conversation, one of them said to me, “I’ve missed a meal before because I didn't know what time it was.” After some explanation, I found out that depending on the day, he walks to different places that are serving free meals all across the city to get his food. One day, however, he knew it would take him about a half hour or more to get where he needed to go and he accidentally misjudged his time in order to get there. The more he told me the more I realized that this way of life is his life every day, and at that moment my heart broke for him, I was so close to tears, yet he continued to share his stories like nothing was wrong. I can’t imagine living that life, how blessed we are to have what we have. So as he continued to tell me other things that have happened to him recently, un-phased by the harsh reality of it all, I handed him my watch and told him he needed it more than me.

This man truly humbled me in a powerful way, because the things we consider necessities are luxuries in the lives of others. I remember shopping with my mom one day before I left and saying specifically, “Mom I NEED a watch.” Little did I know that God had another plan for it. Now whether or not my action of God’s love truly made an impact on that man to turn his life and follow Christ, I may never know, but one thing is for sure, he truly made a profound impact on me. If God can answer my prayers to open myself up in that way to people, I believe he can work in this man’s heart through my one action. Through this experience I realized that we are here not only to serve, but to love, and to give completely all that we have for the love of God.

In the words of Peter Herbeck, “evangelism is one beggar helping another beggar find the feast, and we are all getting ready for the banquet.”

In His Love,

Desirae Wieseler

eyes of love

I'll start my second blog with an introduction. My name is Sarah and this is my second summer doing Catholic Urban Project. I graduated college with no clear direction other than a desire to do service. Through a friend I found CUP and stayed on as an intern last year after the first summer was over. Many people have asked me why I am doing this instead of getting a real job (usually more politely than that :) ).

The only answer to this question is; God wants me to. If this was only about the social work aspect, I would have lost momentum a while ago. Faith makes service come alive and vise-versa.

We are in the process of reading Deus Caritas Est, by Pope Bendict XVI. He has a quote which sums up the growth in my life through this service: "A Eucharist which does not pass over into the concrete practice of love is intrinsically fragmented." My faith comes alive in service as I learn to trust in God. I need to trust in Him. He is teaching me about who I am, and about His love for me. I need this to truly love in return.

For example:

Last week on Outreach we spoke with many different people gathering prayer requests and praying with those who were open. I've noticed a tendency in myself to categorize and to have expectations of people we meet. What I mean is that when I see a group of men, I expect them to be closed to prayer. Nice old church ladies and mothers worried about their kids are usually open. I expect young adults my age to be closed. There are exceptions, but I expect them to be solid Christians, not your average nominal believers.

The other day as we approached a group of rough looking men working on a car, I figured it would be typical. They would politely decline our request to pray while avoiding eye contact, and awkwardly smiling. Breathing a sigh of relief when we moved on. It started off as many such encounters, Anthony addressed one of them who was (cigarette in mouth and another tucked behind his ear, tattoos and a wife beater) working on the rear of the car. I saw his eyes gain that closed distance as he listened. Then, I suddenly felt conviction in my heart. I was judging him, evaluating him, instead of asking for grace to love him. I prayed quickly and silently that he would be open. He looked toward me and our eyes met. I looked at him and he looked at me. I felt this love that was not mine go out to him. He changed his expression and answered Anthony, thinking as he spoke of what he needed prayer for. After we finished our talk with him we went on down the street. Later as we were leaving (it had started raining) he and some of the other men he was with called after us. "This is a really good thing ya'll are doing here."

Benedict XVI describes this interaction between love of God and love of neighbor:

"It consists in the very fact that, in God and with God, I love even the person whom I do not like or even know. This can only take place on the basis of an intimate encounter with God, an encounter which has become a communion of will, even affecting my feelings. Then I learn to look on this other person not simply with my eyes and my feelings, but from the perspective of Jesus Christ. His friend is my friend. Going beyond exterior appearances, I perceive in others an interior desire for a sign of love, of concern. This I can offer them not only through the organizations intended for such purposes, accepting it perhaps as a political necessity. Seeing with the eyes of Christ, I can give to others much more than their outward necessities; I can give them the look of love which they crave."

This is why we as Catholics must serve. Our faith is not just about intellectual assent, it must be lived to be alive. God so greatly desires to love in us.

Danielle's blog

Twice a week this summer we will be doing house fix-ups. When I saw this on the list of ways we were going serve Ypsilanti, I assumed we would be going to slightly run-down houses and doing some painting, cleaning, and general house repairs. This is how we were going to show love. What I did not expect from these house fix-ups, is all the love and inspiration we would receive in return. As Sarah said in her blog last week, the people we are serving are much more amazing than we are and their faith is beyond what I can imagine.

On Saturday morning I was a little tired and not really in the mood to be joyful all day. To be honest, I was in the mood to complain about the heat, lack of sleep, and sore muscles. When the Flint missionaries arrived and we left for the house, it was a difficult to put a smile on my face and be cheerful. Then I spent just a little bit of time with J, the homeowner, and my attitude took a 180.

We arrived at the house and J walked outside. Before even a greeting he said, “Should we pray?” Immediately that was a sign that God was the most important thing in his life and everything else came second. This fact was only reinforced when we walked into the house. Images of Jesus, Mary, and the saints covered the walls, dressers, and night stands. The Catholic TV station was playing in the bedroom.

A little while later in the day I got the chance to sit down with J and hear the story about how he and his wife, Jo, were given the great gift of this house from God. In January of 2010, tragedy hit J and Jo. J came home one day at lunch to check on Jo when she was sick. She mentioned the smell of smoke and when J opened a door, a fire flared up. J helped his wife get dressed and out and then ran back inside to get the car keys. In an instant, they were left homeless with a total of $2.63 in their checking account and not even a pair of shoes. Fr. Bob helped them to get an apartment and paid for the first month's rent; however, it wasn’t a place to live. They were surrounded by drugs and danger. Somehow, everything fell into place from there.

An elderly woman that J knew was selling a house for $90,000. Jo’s sister was willing to buy the house for $50,000 and rent it out. The seller refused, insisting she wanted a family to live in the house her father built. She then asked if J and Jo wanted it and told them to find as much money as they could. After getting turned down numerous times, they were able to obtain a loan for $17,000 from a credit union. The elderly woman accepted the offer at a huge loss. J and Jo turned the house into their home and have been living there now for just over a year.

J told me when he tells that story a lot of people say, “That’s weird. Wow.” J responds, “That’s God. Wow.” Continually through the story, J would point out little things, saying “See how God works?” The house isn’t the largest or fanciest house, but it is definitely filled with love and God. J offers everything he does for God. I have heard many people say they offer everything they do for God. I have attempted to do the same, but when J said he vacuums for God, I realized how little effort I put into that. J and Jo have so little, yet offer so much.

By the end of the fix-up, it was hotter outside, I was more tired, and my muscles were more sore, yet I was a happier person. After hearing J’s story, complaining not only seemed fruitless, but ridiculous. It is obvious to me now that the people I am serving this summer will change my life more than I can ever hope to change theirs.

We do awkward, on the bus.

Friday taught the whole group a lesson. There are no days off from service. There are no days off for people who are hurting. Fridays have been designated as the group "day off", and we decided to spend the day in beautiful Ann Arbor. Our "day off" continued as we entered the bus to go home. This bus was unusually full, so we split into two groups. Des and Allie sat in the front, and the rest of us found our way to the back of the bus. At some point, Heide, Danielle, and I began to talk about the Abortion ban that was making its way through the North Dakota legislature when a woman (we'll call her "K") got up, muttered something about why all the Catholics decided to sit in the back of the bus, and left us to sit in the front of the bus. We were all taken aback, but we shook it off and kept talking. We noticed that she sat right behind Des and Allie. Unbeknownst to us, they were in a conversation discussing whether either of them had considered becoming a religious sister. Eventually, K decided to return to the back of the bus. As she returned, she asked us if we were going to try and proselytize her. Anthony assured her that we weren't. She then began to rant about the Catholic Church with venom. We talked with her all the way back to St. Johns. The whole time, she was trying to upset us and to confirm her assumptions about us, but Heide and the rest of us would not let that happen. Heide took the lead with Anthony in conversing with her, and the whole time, they consistently showed her love. In every word they said, love was the source. Even K began to notice this. The rest of us were praying intently for K. At some point in the conversation, we arrived at our stop, and we needed to leave. As we began to gather our belonging to leave, a man who had sat next to us the entire time got up and moved in front of us and turned around to face us, making sure that no one left before he made his point.

"How long are you guys here?"

"For the summer"

"There are a lot of hurt people here"

He said that with an approving smile, and thus, our bus experience ended. Afterward, we spoke at length about the experience, but most importantly, we prayed for K.

Working with the Flint crew on Saturday and sharing our stories at lunch really drove the point home that God is truly working through us to further the mission of Christ. God works through us when we are intentional about it and when we are least expecting it. And what joy that brings our entire community. We feel incredibly blessed to be able to participate in a very direct way in God's plan for others. K tried to tear us down, but by the grace of God, we were filled with the Holy Spirit and were uplifted because we were doing exactly what God wanted us to do.

St. Paul says "I will rather boast most gladly of my weakness, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me" (2 Cor. 12:5). We are reminded that none of this is because of us. Christ dwelling is us means that he must increase, while we must decrease. This is very good to keep in mind as we begin outreach again tomorrow.

Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever.

--

-Anthony Smela

'Life's Good' By Anthony

I am a triple major in Economics, International Studies, and Justice and Peace Studies.

I converted to Catholicism after God told me he had a plan for me different than the one I was currently living.

I was a debater in high school who specialized in writing critiques.

I am flawed.

What all this means is that I can be extremely negative. I spend a large amount of time looking about and analyzing the world, searching every crevasse for error and flaw, and justifying it with the explanation that it is God’s intention for me to do this work. Rather than viewing the peace that Heide spoke about on the 15th, I see systemic flaws, and worse, the immense challenges before all of us in attempting to fix the problems of our governments, economic systems, and members of the collective society that we all live in. I enjoy my departments of study, but I do not enjoy the blind pessimism that myself and others doing similar work can trap ourselves within.

I am walking over to the church from our home just before dark. A man of color, wearing dirty clothes calls me over. He has a large garbage bag held in both hands. He asks me if I can bring the cans and bottles he has collected into the nearby ‘Party Store’ so he can make some money on their deposit value. This man is homeless, and naturally in our society his condition is only further enumerated by his ostracization from commerce. His eyes are yellow, possibly from jaundice, and his hands are callused and cracked. I ask him what he needs prayer for and he responds by saying, “Nothing man, life is good.”

Wouldn’t the world be better if more people could take up this peace, contentment, and joy? A world fueled by greed and overconsumption only slowed in moments of unobtainable want and an untouchable dream held on a high pillar out of reach from any questioning. The baby boomers, generation ‘X’ers, and the MTV kids, we are all in need of this humble man’s attitude. I need this man’s attitude.

In my pursuit of justice and ‘truth’, in my attempts to find all the answers to solve all of the problems, I forget that we are all called to have this joy. Not only that, but that his joy, the attitude of this man on the street is far more effective at solving the problems of the world than any amount of pessimism, even if it holds knowledge of our world’s rights and wrongs.

The theologian Janet Smith came over for dinner this week, afterwards giving us a private lecture on God’s love; a topic all of us missionaries are studying this summer. This last week I have been troubled by my role, and subsequent negativity, related to my previous feeling that my call in life is to change economic systems in order to foster greater compassion. During Janet’s lecture I realized that this is my will, that my search for the answers was me and not God. Dr. Smith told a story about how during her own prayer she realized that God did not need her and it was silly to think it so. The same is true with me. God does not need me to fix the world, so I need to stop acting under a mindset that assumes this.

What is next? I do not know. For now I am struggling to close my books of economic research and ideas and to pray more intentionally with open eyes and listening ears; to ready myself to better experience God’s will.

To be ready to be the tool and not the solution.

Sarah's Blog

A large part of what the Catholic Urban Project missionaries do in Ypsilanti is a morning summer program for kids. The kids range from 1-8 grade. They come from many different backgrounds and all live in the greater Ypsilanti area. We start the day with breakfast, then move on to 15 minutes of small group. I lead the 3-4 grade group, which usually starts the day off with an icebreaker during this time. Then we move on to activities. There is Mystery (a combination of science, reading, and other random activities), Sports and games, and Art. At the end of the day we finish up with small group time and lunch.

The kids usually share how their day went and what they liked. They also usually beg to go visit the church, where they splash their hands (or many times their entire arm) in the holy water, and then go sit quietly in the pews. They love the huge quiet space of the church and the beauty. I never have asked them if they wanted to go. One little girl from last year remembered and asked to go. Now they all want to. Many of them are not Catholic, but the church makes sense to their child-like sense of wonder. Many of them will fold their hands and squeeze their eyes shut for a minute or so to pray.

It is in moments like these in the church, when two minutes before the kids were complaining that "so and so got to hold the group sign and I didn't", that I realize why I am here. This is what amazes me about service; Christ in the people we serve. These kids love the things I take for granted. A friend and I were talking recently about how we feel awkward when people praise us for serving. Not because we don't think that God is working through us, but because through service we have come to realize that the people we serve are strong, loving and amazing...more deserving of praise. They have faith in God and family in situations that would shake my faith. They are more amazing than we are. There are of course many people we serve who are not like this. Many times the polarity is striking. Just like the beauty.

There are two sisters who attend our summer program. Both this summer and last summer they impressed me with their love for each other, how they take care of each other and respect their mother. (Allie told me the other day that the 2nd grade sister, after explaining that her mother didn't buy her sugary cereal, then exclaimed 'Don't you go sayin she is a bad mother, she is the best in the world.') They value things that I took for granted as a kid. We've also met people on out reach who are balancing the grief of losing a family member, fear for their children in upcoming court cases, and the stress of every day life... just trying to balance the budget. They are so open. They talk to complete strangers on their porches about their lives, their joys and their problems. How many of us are willing to do that? I know I am too proud to be honest, when someone asks me how life is going. I want to act like I have it all together, like I don't need anyone else. I suspect this is the fault of many of us. This is the beauty of service to meet strong people who are humble and good enough to admit their limitations.

Heide's Blog

Ypsi is not what I expected it to be. The roads, full of potholes, outline neighborhoods littered with CONDEMNED houses and businesses. Chipped paint, broken doorbells, and sunken porches are expected. People loiter in groups of two and three along intersections, staring down anyone who bothers looking their way. Marijuana shops nestle between Jimmy John’s and college party stores. Sirens are heard from all directions daily. Advice, like “do not go out alone after nine, even if you’re walking across the street,” finds a home in the back of our heads. But I expected all this. What I did not expect is the peace.

Ypsi is at peace with herself. She knows what she is, a broken, but beautiful city, and her angels, the residents living here, embrace her. Life has etched hard lines into the faces of the people; experience has taught them to buy six locks for their doors, and yet, peace still floods the streets. The only fear that I encounter originates from within me.

Today was day two of outreach. When I say outreach, I mean that we missionaries go door-to-door in groups of two or three, asking people if and how we can pray for them. It sounds so incredibly easy, but it’s terrifying. The fears of rejection, of miscommunication, of danger, of heated rebuke, and of silence all take hold of me. And yet, all we’re there to do is pray.

Yesterday, the first day of outreach, I was semi-relieved whenever no one came to the door. All we did was pray three Hail Marys, then for the house and its inhabitants. When people actually opened the door to us, though, I felt like I was in uncharted waters. That fear pervaded my thoughts. Today, I knew something in me had to change. I could not continue pretending to be a “missionary” if I wasn’t totally committed to putting my fears aside to follow in Christ’s footsteps. So I offered it to God… what else was there to do?

And (praise God!) in an outpouring of His grace, today, everything DID change… My heart was finally opened to a tiny bit of the peace surrounding me, and it gave me so much strength. By the end of the hour and a half, I was able to walk up to people on the street, telling them of our ministry, and inviting them to join us in prayer. I probably talked to at least 9 people, most being incredibly receptive to our message. The peace of Christ, the same peace that Ypsi seems to have, was truly with me, despite my many fears. The one thought running through my head was, “I refuse to regret.”

So, to end this blog post, I just want to reiterate that I know Christ is here in Ypsilanti. I know it’s his peace that I feel surrounding my fellow missionaries and me. Christ doesn’t need my service here, but if he can use me, I want to be used.