A Divinely Written Summer

For those of you who are interested in the spiritual fruits of this
summer, I think I found the perfect thing to share.

Before I share it, I want to clarify that these are the immediate
spiritual fruits that I recognize. I know that God is not limited to my
understanding of His grace, so perhaps another entry down the line will be
in order. God is not confined to Time, which He created anyway. :)

That said, around the middle of the summer, we had a “Day of Reflection,”
to help us refocus and recommit to the work we were doing. It was a
Thursday, which is important, because on Thursday nights Adoration is
available for parishioners.

At one point during the day, Rachel, the director, gave us one blank sheet
of paper and an envelope to write a letter to ourselves by the end of the
day. This is not an exercise unique to CUP, for I’ve done many “letters to
my future self.” Usually, when I write these letters and read them later,
I’m unimpressed with myself. Honestly, I have a hard time putting value on
such things, because often I write the letters under duress (i.e. for my
job or because I have to be a good example for someone else), so I end up
saying something snarky or sarcastic.

When Rachel asked to write these letters, then, I thought to myself,
rather apathetically, “eh.” Silly me, I didn’t realize that, when I
decided to hang out in Adoration that evening, the Holy Spirit couldn’t
care less for my less-than-enthusiastic response.

This is the long way of saying that my letter, which I just broke open and
read, sitting here in the Detroit airport, was perfect.

Perfect.

Divinely written.

It spoke to exactly what I’ve been reflecting on with God - new thoughts,
not old. I was not thinking about these thoughts on that “Day of
Reflection.” I was focused on something completely different. Yet, I still
wrote the letter. Well, that’s a bit of a stretch, actually. God wrote me
this letter.

So would you like to read it? Verbatim, I will share it. Remember, it was
written in Adoration, with my hand, and God’s thoughts. I absolutely
believe that.

...

Oh dear Heide,

I pray you will find your feet. Relax and let God reveal Himself as He
chooses. You are and have always been a strong woman... Sometimes, the
strongest thing you have, however, is your own will. Submit to the love of
God.

That is my prayer for you. You are so beautiful and I hope you have a
better understanding of that. Leave this project with a renewed spirit and
a renewed hope in the love of God.

Do not try to fill the emptiness. Let the One who made you do that.

These are all my little reminders. Hold onto all you can from this summer,
and let God change you.

Remember, your life is His... and you yourself know that you wouldn’t want
it any other way.

Love
yourself.
...

These are my reflections. These are God’s lessons for me. And perhaps, for
you too.

Pax Christi.
-Heidemarie

Danielle's Final Post

When I look at myself now, I know God has moved in my life this past summer. When I try to pinpoint exactly how, when, or even in what ways that has happened, it’s nearly impossible. Going into this summer I thought there would maybe be one person, one time, or one event that really hit me hard, but that never happened. For awhile, it disappointed me that this wasn’t happening. However, now it is clear to me that God works in small ways, slowly chipping away at me all summer to get me to where I am now.

Thinking about the people God has used to mold me this summer, there are countless. I expected to be impacted by the people I served and I definitely was. What I didn’t expect was to be blown away by the people I served with. Living in community with seven others helped me grow in my faith more than I could ever have imagined. Sharing lives and seeing God’s love in each and every one of them was such a blessing this summer. Besides the missionaries, there were random, or not so random, people God placed along the way. Sometimes I would find myself serving with these amazing people or sometimes it was just a single conversation with them that would open my eyes to something brand new.

Some people can tell one story about a time God really moved in their life. I don’t have one big story. I have a lot of little stories that somehow add up to something big. I can’t even say which little stories to include because I’m still discovering which ones they are and I will probably never know all of them. I’m sure God used every person I spoke with, child I helped, and door I knocked on in some way I’ll probably never know.

Through all these people and events in the past 8 weeks, I know God has changed my life, although I have no idea in what way. I only know that He has. I’m sure we can never fully grasp the ways God is working in our lives. We just have to trust that He is.

Like the underside of a beautiful tapestry (threads hanging, knots), we know that if we entrust all of this to God, God weaves it into something beautiful whose pattern we will only see fully in the next life.

Doing the Catholic Urban Project this summer has been a huge grace and I thank every person who has supported in any way!

God bless!

Danielle

Tony's Final Reflection

This is it. Catholic Urban Project: Summer 2011 has come to it's conclusion. What am I going to do? Sure, I have a semester of school to prepare for, some Latin I need to brush up on, perhaps a room to clean. But the calendar seems empty compared to the schedule I've been used to for eight weeks. This leaves me lots of time to mentally and spiritually unpack everything that has happened this summer. What has happened this summer? What did I learn? I've learned...

Going to bed exhausted every night is a great feeling. Especially on Thursdays. I would have the extra benefit on that day of being dirty, sweaty, and smelly, thanks to the afternoon fix-up. Knowing that you gave everything you had that day is incredibly satisfying. I believe that this is because I would wake up and pray that God would give me what I needed to get through the day. I would go to bed knowing that God did give me just what I needed.

The "look of love" (Deus Caritas Est paragraph 18) happens when you trust God completley. There were days I would head off to my non-profit or outreach, and I would think to myself "I don't know if I can do this today". I would then ask God to take over and keep me going. These days became some of the better days. On outreach, people would begin to tell us all about their lives, even the things they would not normally tell a stranger. I know that wasn't because they saw me, but because they saw the look of love. "Seeing with the eyes of Christ, I can give to others much more than their outward necessities; I can give them the look of love which they crave".

Being dependent on prayer is humbling and also the best thing ever. There were many days that I needed to spend time in prayer because I was on empty. I had nothing left to give. Through the prayer, God filled me up with just enough strength to get through the day, or until I had another opportunity to pray again. I have never been so dependent on God before, and I don't want to be so independent that I feel like I don't need it. I think that makes sense, if not, take my word for it.

I am really going to miss the community. I learned a lot in this community. I was humbled many times. We had many, many laughs. But a love for God brought us all together and kept us together. We all had the same end in mind, to serve God to the best of our ability, even if that meant giving everything we had every day. Now the new challenge is to bring what I've learned in community back to my home, my friends and my family.

Catholic Urban Project taught me much more than this, and I could keep writing on and on and on. I want to thank all those who made it possible for me to spend my summer in Ypsilanti. This has been, without doubt, the best summer I have ever had.

Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever

-Anthony Smela

Final Reflection: Become Like the Poor

Now that our 8 weeks of service in Ypsilanti has come to an end, it is time to process what we have all learned this summer and figure out exactly what God wants us to take away from this experience. For me, it has been a summer of tremendous growth in many different aspects of my spiritual life. My openness, trust, peace, comfort, faith, hope, and love have all grown as a result of the service I’ve done this summer. In the last few days that I was in Michigan, God gave me such a strong thought-provoking idea during an hour of adoration. I believe that this idea truly captures the message He was trying to convey to me about this summer. This idea began by reading a sentence out of a book that I had picked up to read. The sentence immediately made a powerful impact on my heart. It said: “It is the people that are poor in worldly terms that are truly the blessed indeed, for they rejoice and exalt in their sufferings.” I just kept repeating it over and over to myself. I realized that this is how a lot of the people that we had been serving live their lives. They are extremely poor in worldly terms, and they go through a great deal of suffering. Yet, several of them live their lives in exaltation of the Lord, despite the horrible conditions they live in. They view and cherish their life as a gift from God. If they can have so little, yet allow their hearts to belong fully and completely to God, then we should be able to do the same. From my experience I have found a whole new meaning in serving the poor. It’s not just a call to serve the poor anymore; it’s a call to become like the poor in spirit as well. We all have a lesson to learn from the poor, because the truth is God wants only our hearts. He doesn’t want our things, or our accomplishments and successes, or our talents. He simply wants all of our love, focus, and attention to be on Him. Thus, the poor have served me in a way I could have never imagined.

In Him,

Desirae Wieseler, Catholic Urban Project Missionary 2011

4 Days Left

There are only 4 days of service left in our summer. While we are here until Sunday, we are saving the last few days for retreat and clean up. It's crazy to think how fast the summer has flown, how quickly all of us will be getting back to our 'normal' lives. However, the idea in God bringing us here is not for us to have a nice eight weeks and then head back relatively unchanged. His purpose is always greater, especially when we give Him our time.

I often hear people complain that they don't experience God, or that He doesn't speak to them. Often, God speaks to us in a way that we need to grow in. His language changes our hearts. One thing that has struck me again and again this summer is that God really is in His creation. It's not just a nice saying, it's real. Recognizing Him in others is always a gift of grace. We can't do it on our own. However, many times in order to find Christ in other people we have to seek Him out. By serving the poor and assuming that Christ is in them (because he says so) we then experience Him.

We recently had a difficult fix-up in which the resident was displeased with our work. Nothing we did that day was good enough, in addition we were told that we were lazy and weren't putting real effort into the work. As you can imagine this was not easy for us to listen to. It was clear there was something else going on and the resident was taking it out on us. It is very easy to not really love someone like this. We could have said we were going to practice tough love and left the house. We could have called it unfair and been more forceful in verbally defending ourselves. However, while we were there taking the criticism, many of us had a deeper sense of God wanting to love this resident and not give up. While we were in the house cleaning and I was trying not to get annoyed, I had this sense of Christ on the cross, just taking it. Accepting it. Loving us anyways. This is what He wanted for this resident on this day. This was a day to accept what we were given and love. God in His goodness gave us the grace to do it. I don't know why the resident reacted that way, but I know Christ is in that person. Because He said so.

-Sarah Downes

Murder at Tall Oaks

My name is Simone Carlton, and for the jury, I will recount the events of the last 30 hours. At approximatley 10:30am on Saturday of July 23rd, 2011, the Ypsilanti Catholic Urban Project missionaries joined the Flint CUP team for a fix-up project in Flint. At approx. 4:42pm, the group came together for prayer and then relocated to the Saint Michael rectory for what was supposed to be an evening of merriment and leisure. What they didn't know was that Mr. Reginald Ascain had been MURDERED. Of the eight Ypsilanti missionaries, one of us did it. But who? It was up to us to tread through lies and grimdark secrets to find out whodunit.

Last night, the Flint missionaries hosted a Murder Mystery dinner for us. In the end, I was revealed as the murderer, and we had a wonderful evening.

Earlier that day, we were indeed at a fix-up project together. By the end of the fix-up, we couldn't help but be pleased at all we had accomplished that day. Tom rented a 30 yard dumpster for us to use that day, and we needed most of it. I started in the basement, carrying things to the dumpster and then sweeping up behind us. Then, I moved to the garage. The garage was like a very large dumpster. We ended up moving about 95% of the contents of the garage into the dumpster. The garage went from nearly full and awful to nearly empty and clean. We then put up new lights and house numbers on the front porch and repainted it. A lot of work was done, and we could see the difference it made. One of the granddaughters of the homeowners came home and said in delight, "We have new house numbers! I can't remember the last time we had all four numbers up!".

Although all the physical work was great, we knew that the most important thing we do at fix-ups is to pray. Tom offered another great reflection. People ask why we go into Flint to work. There is so much work needed in this city, why even try? Tom responded "I think we made a difference to you and your family." as he motioned to the homeowners. All we have to do is worry about the little things God gives us to do, and he will handle the rest. God made an impace in their lives. Let us pray that He continues to make an impact in ours.

Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever.

-Anthony Smela

The Home Stretch

How you finish says a lot about the person you are. A strong finish reflects a person who perseveres, who works hard, and who relies not just on themselves, but on others. The opposite is also true. With only two weeks left in Ypsilanti, this pervades my thoughts. How do I want to finish? Do I want to cruise through my last days here and look ahead to August, or do I take these next two weeks and give everything I've got?

Obviously, I want the latter, but practically it is quite difficult. Giving my all when I am exhausted at kids camp is difficult. Giving my all when the kids at my non-profit keep wetting themselves (and the bathroom floor) or directly disobey you for attention is difficult. Finding the strength to get up and go to Outreach or fix-ups with Jesus is difficult. Sure, it's easy to say I'll give it my all, but it's a daily (or hourly) decision. And most of the time, I am not naturally disposed to choose to finish strong. But all these choices make character.

Pray that we choose to finish these last two weeks strong.

Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever.

-Anthony Smela

Mid-Summer Reflection

In the blink of an eye, we are halfway through our time here in Ypsilanti. In a few short weeks, we'll be on our way back home, and back to the lives we were living before. Does this have to end?! The thought of it is too grimdark, so I'll save it for a future blog post. At the mid-point, I think it's safe to say that our group has been put through a lot, but we're ready for the second half.

This past week has been somewhat of a rejuvenation week. On Monday, we spent the day (July 4th) on a lake with the Flint Missionaries relaxing. Kids Camp is in it's planning week. Thursday was our Mid-Summer Day of Refection. The physical and mental rejuvenation was dearly needed.

As we plow head first into the last three weeks of Catholic Urban Project, it is the perfect time to reflect and realize that our true rejuvenation comes every day at Mass in the Eucharist. Naps can only do so much physically, but Jesus in the Eucharist can heal us mind, body, and soul. "Listen; there are two things the devil is deadly afraid of: fervent Communions and frequent visits to the Blessed Sacrament." -St. John Bosco.

Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever

-Anthony Smela

Detroit

So being a young adult in Michigan, I often hear people talking about Detroit. Usually it is negative, or negative disguised as caring. Don't get me wrong, Detroit is in dire straights in many ways. But as we all ought to know, and ought to actually believe: Hope is strongest when things are darkest.

This past Friday we had the opportunity to visit the Capuchin Soup Kitchen in Detroit. We also sat in on an open AA meeting held before lunch. The participants shared stories of their journeys. AA is for addictions of all sorts, but as we listened to the stories, we found that addiction was last in a line of pain and suffering. It is usually just one of many hardships people have faced. In their stories I heard things that I can not imagine experiencing. Abuse starting in childhood, living in crack houses, firebombs, living on the street, ambushes, rape, ect... One of these things is bad enough to ruin a life, and we heard stories from people who had experienced all of it. Ed talked to us about how addiction feeds the hurt that people have experienced. It increases isolation, desperation, despair, and violence.

These people were very broken. But they had learned to love each other and support each other. Some of them were homeless, some were living in government housing or group homes. They talked very simply, practically and movingly of how God and scripture helped them in their lives. Turning the other cheek takes on a whole new meaning when violence is the norm. One women told the story of when she was beaten with a brick by another woman who wrongfully thought she was out to get her. This woman was carrying, and also had multiple knives, but did not retaliate, allowing herself to be beaten. Instead she went to the woman's mother and negotiated peace.

As the meeting was wrapping up, a woman entered the room late. She began telling a story with very little introduction that had happened a few days before. She had a friend who was released from jail after 20+ years... sentenced for killing his wife in a crack induced rage. This man was torn with remorse for what he had done. He was fearful that his rage would resurface and after a fight with his girlfriend, decided to commit suicide. This woman had supported him and told him not to do it.

She ended up arriving at his door (knowing somehow something was wrong) as he began to convulse from ODing on pills. She did CPR and stayed at his side praying with him as he died. She was with us now, telling us this story and crying. Wondering if she had done something wrong. She then told us she was not crying because he was dead, but because she feared for his soul. She could not bear the fact that he might be in hell. She loved him as a brother. She was comforted and prayed over by her friends, brother Ed, one of the sisters there and a friar. Ed told us later that God was so merciful; He sent her to the deathbed of this man, and then later the group to her. To comfort her with their trust in the providence and mercy of God for their dead brother.

This reminds me of a psalm we hear all the time: Psalm 34. Depending on the translation, we usually hear the refrain as: "The Lord hears the cry of the poor." He literally does hear their cries. There are so many people we have served this summer who have simple, uneducated, deep, astounding faith in God. They are poor, so they know what it means to rely on God.

Clearly from these stories we know that poverty is not glamorous, it is terrible and crushes the spirit. However, I have experienced how deeply God cares for the poor and otherwise downtrodden in this summer, over and over. This is why at the final judgement, scripture says (Mt. 25: 31-46) God will ask us if we fed the hungry, welcomed strangers, clothed the naked, cared for the sick and visited the imprisoned. This is where His heart lies. It is in this that we can love Him.

-Sarah

White as Snow

As humans, we make plenty of messes. Just ask the small group leaders of kids camp. Just ask the clean up crew after one of our dinners. Just look in Anthony's room. Just ask yourself. How many spiritual messes do I make?

Today, we began a fix-up for Lisa. There was a good amount of things to do. There was window washing, installing new light fixtures, screening, and of course, painting. All was going well through lunch. After lunch, I installed a light switch and fixture and put up a smoke alarm. As I was testing the smoke alarm, I heard a crash and a yell from the other room. I quickly got down from the ladder and raced into the next room. Sarah was standing there with a shocked look of disbelief.

The paint can had spilled. Even though the paint was white, the situation was grimdark. About half of the paint can had missed the drop cloth and was on the carpet. Rescue teams were on the spill quickly. As we sopped up the paint, we all wondered silently if this paint would ever come up. The job looked impossible as we desperately threw more rags on top, trying to clean the mess we'd made.

With the addition of the shop-vac, the spill was eventually cleaned up relatively well and we were left with the promise that a carpet cleaning company was scheduled to come clean the carpets anyways.

As we were praying afterward, Tom had a wonderful reflection about what happened. As humans, we make many mistakes and then we believe that there is no way to clean it up. We believe that we've screwed up good this time. But, like the shop-vac, God can clean up any mess we make. As long as we ask for His help and trust in Him, nothing is impossible. Let us turn to the sacraments, especially confession, often. Then we will be made white as snow.

Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever.

-Anthony Smela

Messy

I work with both kid's programs run by St. John's. One is the Slice of Summer day camp. The other is Schola Arium a School of Arts that focuses on stringed instruments and art. I help with the art portion of Schola. This means that three days a week I spend a lot of time with kids and with paint and other messy art supplies. Having 60+ kids go through the building daily adds a lot of wear and tear on the areas we use. The two basement bathrooms get a lot of this wear. Every day I usually have to go in there and clean up something, glue, paint, food and on occasion throw-up, from the sink, walls and trash can. (props to Tracy, whose job is the up keep of the building.)

On fix-up days, we usually come back with paint in our hair, under our finger nails and on our clothes. In fact, I'm pretty sure that Outreach might be the only service we do that doesn't need a shower at the end of it.

It's all great though. Being tired and messy at the end of the day lets you know that you really did do something. That you were able to dig in and give.

Last summer we heard a great story from one of the missionaries named Will. He had heard this story in a homily. The priest telling the story would often go to help his mother take care of his aging father. His father had health problems and one day his son, the priest arrived at the house to find a mess. There was vomit covering the floor, the couch and parts of the walls. His father's face and clothes were covered as well. The son was stopped in the doorway by the over-powering stench. As he surveyed the disaster, he saw his mother on the floor cleaning up. She looked up at her son and said," sometimes love looks like this." The priest then pointed to the crucifix and said, "sometimes love looks like this."

This is what we do in service, the undesired tasks that make up our love. We do it messily, imperfectly and with as much of our hearts as we can. This summer is reminding me that God is not calling me to glamour and fuzzy feelings, but to real tasks and real people.

-Sarah

A Child’s Innocence

My role in our Slice of Summer Kids’ Camp this summer is the floater. This means that I pretty much help where I am needed. On this past Thursday, this happened to be with the third and fourth grade group. The reason is because its a large group and there are several campers who have a little difficulty containing their excitement in a classroom setting. Knowing this, I was prepared to spend most of morning trying to help keep some order in the group and hopefully reduce the chaos.

The first activity after a little small group freeze dance time was art. The project for the day was to think about a bible verse and then draw what you thought represented that verse. The verse was 1 John 4:16: “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God lives in him.”

Seeing a blank paper sitting in front of one of the energetic boys, P, I went to his table. Making assumptions about P from the previous time I had spent with him, I had simple goals for the next 20 minutes: keep him in or near his chair and avoid letting him distract others. Hopefully by the end of the activity he would have some sort of drawing on his paper.

I read the verse to the table again and asked P what came to mind when he heard it. In a moment P changed from a loud, spirited kid to a curious, innocent little boy. He spent the remainder of art asking countless questions about God, forgiveness, and creation. How old is God? What does He look like? Does God love everyone? How could He make man from nothing? Does He seriously forgive us no matter what?

This little boy, who minutes before had been breaking out the hip hop dance moves,

began asking these questions about God’s love and listening intently to each and every answer. As I answered them the best I could, my opinion about what I should have had on my list of goals for those 20 minutes changed drastically. I had forgotten the one thing so many people have told us we are here this summer to do: love. Somehow as I worried about bathroom breaks, paint stains, and opening ranch packets that goal had gotten pushed to the back. It’s the little gifts God gives us that remind why He brought us here this summer. This one came in the form of a little third grader’s innocent curiosity. Somehow that is just what I needed that day to remind me to live in love.

~Danielle

'become like children' By Anthony

This last Tuesday we continued diving into our lessons on Deus Caritas Est and love. We all hear homilies on love and know that they will know we are Christians by our love (John 13), but what this means in modern America is not so clear.

We are often referred to as a Christian nation, yet we are the most militarized country in the world. So much for “Blessed is the peacemaker” (Matthew 5).

USA Today reports that a higher percent of Americans are in poverty now than fifty years ago, with the number continually rising. I guess we forgot about the second half of Matthew 25.

These questions and ideas continually trouble me, but on Tuesday I was induced by a startling peace.

It seems this summer, engrossed in community and removed my ordinary life, that love is all around – even in modern America. One shining example of it is the City of Mary, a Franciscan Friary near Flint. The three religious brothers who work, pray, and serve there and the five biological siblings who reside there assisting them in their work all display selfless love every day. While they are all physically serving others (a key pillar in Franciscan hospitality) amount a litany of programs and objectives. Following their vows of poverty the Franciscans live simply, including growing most of their own food supply. Another love that is often ignored or forgotten is given a corner stone at the City of Mary – vocation.

Typically the idea of vocation sparks images of seminarians, but as one Friar put it, “we are all called to be saints; your vocation is the path God has willed for you to reach your calling.” Love is very much sacrifice, so what better way to live out love than to fully empty yourself and embrace the vocation God has prepared for you?

During fix ups we work with a contractor named Tom. Tom always starts off each day with us with a wonderful story that intersects more with our lives than I feel he is aware. This week he told the story of a farmer he saw at a farmers market. The man had a wide variety of produce he was selling. As Tom watched two children ran excitedly to the man and he picked them both up, showing hem the produce. Not only were the children excited because they were seeing their father but also because they had helped pick the goods he was selling. He smiled with immense happiness as he shared the fruit of his work with his children. Tom saw this as being similar to our interaction with God via prayer. Like how the farmer did not need his children to help pick the vegetables, God does not need our help to complete his tasks, but he reacts with joy if we join his work through our prayer. I feel that the same is true of our vocations. If we forget ourselves and walk fully the path God has laid before us then not only will God, our father, react with happiness, but we will have the same joy as the farmer’s children had in the work they shared with their father.

“unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven”

-Matthew 18:3

Community Life

This is one boisterous, community. We work hard, pray hard, play hard, and now, we've gotten quite good at pushing everyone's buttons (Wednesday is Make Fun of Heide Day). In three weeks, we have become family. It's more than just having meals together, praying the Liturgy of the Hours together (and shouting up the stairs for that one person who is late to Night Prayer), or even simply living under one roof. It's being able to lean on anyone whenever one needs it and vice versa. It's being able to argue about which movie to watch for an hour and a half and laugh the whole time. But most importantly, it is that we all have the same focus in life.

God.

And that is what makes this crazy group of people together a family. Because God decided to put us together. God decided that putting us together was part of His plan. And that brings us joy. Even on those days when everything everyone does gets under our skin, or when we don't feel particularly well one day, or when we would rather be somewhere else doing something else. Even on all those days, we remain joyful because God is working through us and in us. We are invited to be a part of his plan. He doesn't need us, He wants us to participate. What could be better?

Why am I telling you about our community? Because as much as God is working in the community, God is working in us. It is in the little things that we come to realize that on our own, this is not possible. It is only possible because God has His hand in this. Are we doing His will in our opportunity here? Sure, we're doing the outward things that are required for Catholic Urban Project, but are we truly giving everything to the Lord? Are we trusting that He knows what He is doing and will be with us in all we do? In community life, all of your weaknesses are brought to the front and everyone knows them. Which is why this is such a great opportunity for us to grow.

Praise be Jesus Christ, now and forever.

-Anthony Smela

Only by the grace of God

It’s simply amazing how God can work. He truly will answer your prayers. The story I am about to tell is just a glimpse into one of the many experiences I’ve already had that testify to that belief. On the second day of outreach, after going door-to-door and asking people if we could pray for them, my spirits were somewhat down, even though our outreach had been considerably better than the first day. I was feeling defeated because of the rejection we received by some unopened doors as well as others simply saying they didn’t have time to talk to us, and was wondering what I was doing wrong. Was I not saying the right things? Was I not allowing the Holy Spirit to speak through me because of my nervousness? So I decided to take the time to pray about it, and lay my struggles down at the feet of Jesus.

After I prayed for God to give me the grace to die to myself, so that I may be a greater witness of His love, He almost immediately presented me with an opportunity as I walked home from the church to find two homeless men sitting at the bottom of our steps. At first I must admit, this did not occur to me to be such an opportunity. I walked right past them and was a little uneasy being by myself because the situation could have potentially been dangerous. As soon as I was inside, I made sure to lock the door behind me. I sat down to have a bowl of cereal, and as I thought more about the homeless men that I had just blatantly ignored, the more obvious it became that this was an opportunity given to me by God for me to put myself out of my comfort zone and talk to them.

So I did. After approaching them, they seemed rather harmless, quite friendly, and pleasantly surprised that I was willing to sit down and talk to them. I’m sure that these men are used to people not giving them the time of day, passing them off as the lepers of society. However, after engaging in conversation, one of them said to me, “I’ve missed a meal before because I didn't know what time it was.” After some explanation, I found out that depending on the day, he walks to different places that are serving free meals all across the city to get his food. One day, however, he knew it would take him about a half hour or more to get where he needed to go and he accidentally misjudged his time in order to get there. The more he told me the more I realized that this way of life is his life every day, and at that moment my heart broke for him, I was so close to tears, yet he continued to share his stories like nothing was wrong. I can’t imagine living that life, how blessed we are to have what we have. So as he continued to tell me other things that have happened to him recently, un-phased by the harsh reality of it all, I handed him my watch and told him he needed it more than me.

This man truly humbled me in a powerful way, because the things we consider necessities are luxuries in the lives of others. I remember shopping with my mom one day before I left and saying specifically, “Mom I NEED a watch.” Little did I know that God had another plan for it. Now whether or not my action of God’s love truly made an impact on that man to turn his life and follow Christ, I may never know, but one thing is for sure, he truly made a profound impact on me. If God can answer my prayers to open myself up in that way to people, I believe he can work in this man’s heart through my one action. Through this experience I realized that we are here not only to serve, but to love, and to give completely all that we have for the love of God.

In the words of Peter Herbeck, “evangelism is one beggar helping another beggar find the feast, and we are all getting ready for the banquet.”

In His Love,

Desirae Wieseler

eyes of love

I'll start my second blog with an introduction. My name is Sarah and this is my second summer doing Catholic Urban Project. I graduated college with no clear direction other than a desire to do service. Through a friend I found CUP and stayed on as an intern last year after the first summer was over. Many people have asked me why I am doing this instead of getting a real job (usually more politely than that :) ).

The only answer to this question is; God wants me to. If this was only about the social work aspect, I would have lost momentum a while ago. Faith makes service come alive and vise-versa.

We are in the process of reading Deus Caritas Est, by Pope Bendict XVI. He has a quote which sums up the growth in my life through this service: "A Eucharist which does not pass over into the concrete practice of love is intrinsically fragmented." My faith comes alive in service as I learn to trust in God. I need to trust in Him. He is teaching me about who I am, and about His love for me. I need this to truly love in return.

For example:

Last week on Outreach we spoke with many different people gathering prayer requests and praying with those who were open. I've noticed a tendency in myself to categorize and to have expectations of people we meet. What I mean is that when I see a group of men, I expect them to be closed to prayer. Nice old church ladies and mothers worried about their kids are usually open. I expect young adults my age to be closed. There are exceptions, but I expect them to be solid Christians, not your average nominal believers.

The other day as we approached a group of rough looking men working on a car, I figured it would be typical. They would politely decline our request to pray while avoiding eye contact, and awkwardly smiling. Breathing a sigh of relief when we moved on. It started off as many such encounters, Anthony addressed one of them who was (cigarette in mouth and another tucked behind his ear, tattoos and a wife beater) working on the rear of the car. I saw his eyes gain that closed distance as he listened. Then, I suddenly felt conviction in my heart. I was judging him, evaluating him, instead of asking for grace to love him. I prayed quickly and silently that he would be open. He looked toward me and our eyes met. I looked at him and he looked at me. I felt this love that was not mine go out to him. He changed his expression and answered Anthony, thinking as he spoke of what he needed prayer for. After we finished our talk with him we went on down the street. Later as we were leaving (it had started raining) he and some of the other men he was with called after us. "This is a really good thing ya'll are doing here."

Benedict XVI describes this interaction between love of God and love of neighbor:

"It consists in the very fact that, in God and with God, I love even the person whom I do not like or even know. This can only take place on the basis of an intimate encounter with God, an encounter which has become a communion of will, even affecting my feelings. Then I learn to look on this other person not simply with my eyes and my feelings, but from the perspective of Jesus Christ. His friend is my friend. Going beyond exterior appearances, I perceive in others an interior desire for a sign of love, of concern. This I can offer them not only through the organizations intended for such purposes, accepting it perhaps as a political necessity. Seeing with the eyes of Christ, I can give to others much more than their outward necessities; I can give them the look of love which they crave."

This is why we as Catholics must serve. Our faith is not just about intellectual assent, it must be lived to be alive. God so greatly desires to love in us.

Danielle's blog

Twice a week this summer we will be doing house fix-ups. When I saw this on the list of ways we were going serve Ypsilanti, I assumed we would be going to slightly run-down houses and doing some painting, cleaning, and general house repairs. This is how we were going to show love. What I did not expect from these house fix-ups, is all the love and inspiration we would receive in return. As Sarah said in her blog last week, the people we are serving are much more amazing than we are and their faith is beyond what I can imagine.

On Saturday morning I was a little tired and not really in the mood to be joyful all day. To be honest, I was in the mood to complain about the heat, lack of sleep, and sore muscles. When the Flint missionaries arrived and we left for the house, it was a difficult to put a smile on my face and be cheerful. Then I spent just a little bit of time with J, the homeowner, and my attitude took a 180.

We arrived at the house and J walked outside. Before even a greeting he said, “Should we pray?” Immediately that was a sign that God was the most important thing in his life and everything else came second. This fact was only reinforced when we walked into the house. Images of Jesus, Mary, and the saints covered the walls, dressers, and night stands. The Catholic TV station was playing in the bedroom.

A little while later in the day I got the chance to sit down with J and hear the story about how he and his wife, Jo, were given the great gift of this house from God. In January of 2010, tragedy hit J and Jo. J came home one day at lunch to check on Jo when she was sick. She mentioned the smell of smoke and when J opened a door, a fire flared up. J helped his wife get dressed and out and then ran back inside to get the car keys. In an instant, they were left homeless with a total of $2.63 in their checking account and not even a pair of shoes. Fr. Bob helped them to get an apartment and paid for the first month's rent; however, it wasn’t a place to live. They were surrounded by drugs and danger. Somehow, everything fell into place from there.

An elderly woman that J knew was selling a house for $90,000. Jo’s sister was willing to buy the house for $50,000 and rent it out. The seller refused, insisting she wanted a family to live in the house her father built. She then asked if J and Jo wanted it and told them to find as much money as they could. After getting turned down numerous times, they were able to obtain a loan for $17,000 from a credit union. The elderly woman accepted the offer at a huge loss. J and Jo turned the house into their home and have been living there now for just over a year.

J told me when he tells that story a lot of people say, “That’s weird. Wow.” J responds, “That’s God. Wow.” Continually through the story, J would point out little things, saying “See how God works?” The house isn’t the largest or fanciest house, but it is definitely filled with love and God. J offers everything he does for God. I have heard many people say they offer everything they do for God. I have attempted to do the same, but when J said he vacuums for God, I realized how little effort I put into that. J and Jo have so little, yet offer so much.

By the end of the fix-up, it was hotter outside, I was more tired, and my muscles were more sore, yet I was a happier person. After hearing J’s story, complaining not only seemed fruitless, but ridiculous. It is obvious to me now that the people I am serving this summer will change my life more than I can ever hope to change theirs.

We do awkward, on the bus.

Friday taught the whole group a lesson. There are no days off from service. There are no days off for people who are hurting. Fridays have been designated as the group "day off", and we decided to spend the day in beautiful Ann Arbor. Our "day off" continued as we entered the bus to go home. This bus was unusually full, so we split into two groups. Des and Allie sat in the front, and the rest of us found our way to the back of the bus. At some point, Heide, Danielle, and I began to talk about the Abortion ban that was making its way through the North Dakota legislature when a woman (we'll call her "K") got up, muttered something about why all the Catholics decided to sit in the back of the bus, and left us to sit in the front of the bus. We were all taken aback, but we shook it off and kept talking. We noticed that she sat right behind Des and Allie. Unbeknownst to us, they were in a conversation discussing whether either of them had considered becoming a religious sister. Eventually, K decided to return to the back of the bus. As she returned, she asked us if we were going to try and proselytize her. Anthony assured her that we weren't. She then began to rant about the Catholic Church with venom. We talked with her all the way back to St. Johns. The whole time, she was trying to upset us and to confirm her assumptions about us, but Heide and the rest of us would not let that happen. Heide took the lead with Anthony in conversing with her, and the whole time, they consistently showed her love. In every word they said, love was the source. Even K began to notice this. The rest of us were praying intently for K. At some point in the conversation, we arrived at our stop, and we needed to leave. As we began to gather our belonging to leave, a man who had sat next to us the entire time got up and moved in front of us and turned around to face us, making sure that no one left before he made his point.

"How long are you guys here?"

"For the summer"

"There are a lot of hurt people here"

He said that with an approving smile, and thus, our bus experience ended. Afterward, we spoke at length about the experience, but most importantly, we prayed for K.

Working with the Flint crew on Saturday and sharing our stories at lunch really drove the point home that God is truly working through us to further the mission of Christ. God works through us when we are intentional about it and when we are least expecting it. And what joy that brings our entire community. We feel incredibly blessed to be able to participate in a very direct way in God's plan for others. K tried to tear us down, but by the grace of God, we were filled with the Holy Spirit and were uplifted because we were doing exactly what God wanted us to do.

St. Paul says "I will rather boast most gladly of my weakness, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me" (2 Cor. 12:5). We are reminded that none of this is because of us. Christ dwelling is us means that he must increase, while we must decrease. This is very good to keep in mind as we begin outreach again tomorrow.

Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever.

--

-Anthony Smela

'Life's Good' By Anthony

I am a triple major in Economics, International Studies, and Justice and Peace Studies.

I converted to Catholicism after God told me he had a plan for me different than the one I was currently living.

I was a debater in high school who specialized in writing critiques.

I am flawed.

What all this means is that I can be extremely negative. I spend a large amount of time looking about and analyzing the world, searching every crevasse for error and flaw, and justifying it with the explanation that it is God’s intention for me to do this work. Rather than viewing the peace that Heide spoke about on the 15th, I see systemic flaws, and worse, the immense challenges before all of us in attempting to fix the problems of our governments, economic systems, and members of the collective society that we all live in. I enjoy my departments of study, but I do not enjoy the blind pessimism that myself and others doing similar work can trap ourselves within.

I am walking over to the church from our home just before dark. A man of color, wearing dirty clothes calls me over. He has a large garbage bag held in both hands. He asks me if I can bring the cans and bottles he has collected into the nearby ‘Party Store’ so he can make some money on their deposit value. This man is homeless, and naturally in our society his condition is only further enumerated by his ostracization from commerce. His eyes are yellow, possibly from jaundice, and his hands are callused and cracked. I ask him what he needs prayer for and he responds by saying, “Nothing man, life is good.”

Wouldn’t the world be better if more people could take up this peace, contentment, and joy? A world fueled by greed and overconsumption only slowed in moments of unobtainable want and an untouchable dream held on a high pillar out of reach from any questioning. The baby boomers, generation ‘X’ers, and the MTV kids, we are all in need of this humble man’s attitude. I need this man’s attitude.

In my pursuit of justice and ‘truth’, in my attempts to find all the answers to solve all of the problems, I forget that we are all called to have this joy. Not only that, but that his joy, the attitude of this man on the street is far more effective at solving the problems of the world than any amount of pessimism, even if it holds knowledge of our world’s rights and wrongs.

The theologian Janet Smith came over for dinner this week, afterwards giving us a private lecture on God’s love; a topic all of us missionaries are studying this summer. This last week I have been troubled by my role, and subsequent negativity, related to my previous feeling that my call in life is to change economic systems in order to foster greater compassion. During Janet’s lecture I realized that this is my will, that my search for the answers was me and not God. Dr. Smith told a story about how during her own prayer she realized that God did not need her and it was silly to think it so. The same is true with me. God does not need me to fix the world, so I need to stop acting under a mindset that assumes this.

What is next? I do not know. For now I am struggling to close my books of economic research and ideas and to pray more intentionally with open eyes and listening ears; to ready myself to better experience God’s will.

To be ready to be the tool and not the solution.