This is it. Catholic Urban Project: Summer 2011 has come to it's conclusion. What am I going to do? Sure, I have a semester of school to prepare for, some Latin I need to brush up on, perhaps a room to clean. But the calendar seems empty compared to the schedule I've been used to for eight weeks. This leaves me lots of time to mentally and spiritually unpack everything that has happened this summer. What has happened this summer? What did I learn? I've learned...
Going to bed exhausted every night is a great feeling. Especially on Thursdays. I would have the extra benefit on that day of being dirty, sweaty, and smelly, thanks to the afternoon fix-up. Knowing that you gave everything you had that day is incredibly satisfying. I believe that this is because I would wake up and pray that God would give me what I needed to get through the day. I would go to bed knowing that God did give me just what I needed.
The "look of love" (Deus Caritas Est paragraph 18) happens when you trust God completley. There were days I would head off to my non-profit or outreach, and I would think to myself "I don't know if I can do this today". I would then ask God to take over and keep me going. These days became some of the better days. On outreach, people would begin to tell us all about their lives, even the things they would not normally tell a stranger. I know that wasn't because they saw me, but because they saw the look of love. "Seeing with the eyes of Christ, I can give to others much more than their outward necessities; I can give them the look of love which they crave".
Being dependent on prayer is humbling and also the best thing ever. There were many days that I needed to spend time in prayer because I was on empty. I had nothing left to give. Through the prayer, God filled me up with just enough strength to get through the day, or until I had another opportunity to pray again. I have never been so dependent on God before, and I don't want to be so independent that I feel like I don't need it. I think that makes sense, if not, take my word for it.
I am really going to miss the community. I learned a lot in this community. I was humbled many times. We had many, many laughs. But a love for God brought us all together and kept us together. We all had the same end in mind, to serve God to the best of our ability, even if that meant giving everything we had every day. Now the new challenge is to bring what I've learned in community back to my home, my friends and my family.
Catholic Urban Project taught me much more than this, and I could keep writing on and on and on. I want to thank all those who made it possible for me to spend my summer in Ypsilanti. This has been, without doubt, the best summer I have ever had.
Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever
-Anthony Smela
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